Oh La La!!! Who does not like hearing compliments??
For me dressing sexy had always been a problem. First of all, I was born in a country where a sexy woman is a voluptuous curvaceous woman like Beyonce. My body type, on the other hand, is more like Zoe Zaldana’s type of sexy. Second, I was often picked on because of my size and body shape. Classmates would always say how skinny I ,or how they were afraid I might break in two pieces, or how they were afraid I might get blown away in a hurricane (which is a season in the Caribbean). Occasionally, I would receive a compliment, quickly followed by a sneaky remark like “but you need to gain weight!”. It was not an environment suitable to build a strong self-esteem. I grew up always wishing that I would gain weight to be attractive. The only person who had always complimented me was my mom, never she had a negative comment about my body. Third, none of my close friends are sexy (according to the Caribbean type), and they all had vicous and negative comments about their body and mine as well. I tried to understand them and to be supportive by not dressing sexy. This way I thought, none of us would feel sexier than the other. I kept that habit for so long that it became a second nature.
However, I have decided that I need to break free from that habit. I do like my body. I finally made peace with it. I do not need to comply to a specific aesthetic to feel good about my look. I do not need to wait for the media to tell me that I look good enough. I need to have self-confidence. I need to stop being my enemy, stop being mean and unfair to myself. I need to embrace my own beauty. I need to stop covering it or wearing unflattering clothes to help my friends. They have problems with their body, that is their problem, they need to work on it. I will support them, but I will no longer hide my body.
That is cropped pic of me trying to look sexy. Notice the sweater for just in case I need to cover up (old habits die hard)
Recently, a few friends, now that they have matured, have admitted that they were jealous of my body (hence the negative comments growing up).