I am not sure what I want to talk about yet. My friend told me she had a blog and that it was helping her coping with her depression. I told her I was interested to start one of my own, and she asked me what I will talk about. My answer was “I have so much to say” and just like that I decided it was time for me to stop keeping my feelings, my fears, and my desires for myself.
Why am I unhappy? I have so much, yet I am not content nor satisfied with the way my life is. I graduated college a little more than a year ago. I found a job two months after graduation. I am living with my love one. I am healthy. My parents are still alive and healthy as well as my siblings. I do not have any debts. I have friends. I am loved. Yet, I am not entirely pleased. Is it because life after college is not what I expected? Is it because, I want more than what I have? Is it because I did not fully take advantage of what life offered me?
I know people with less who are way happier than me. I know people with more trouble who still are satisfied with their life. Did I set the bar to high? Do I need to expect less from life? And If I do that, is not a start of low standards for my own life? Is it not the beginning of fate instead of choice? Meaning that I will let my life go with the flow instead of directing towards my long time goals?
I had once started reading a book called “Moments of happiness or happiness project” and although I did not finish reading the book, I remember the author asked: ‘what makes you happy”. And just that one simple question, I could not answer. I could not name something that could infallibly bring a smile to my face. And how did that happen? How did I get there? I could not come up with anything. And still now I cannot. I think maybe I should start there, and work my way towards happiness.
Well, I am tired of talking; I am going to bed now.
I am not sure if anyone will ever read this post, but I needed to write it.
Have a good night =)