When you miss your family but they are being jerks at the moment

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Since Thanksgiving my relationship with my family has been a bit strenuous.  The main culprit was my sister, but because no family member publicly sided with me or even told her that it was not a way to deal with family members, I took it as they also shared her feelings towards my Significant Other (S.O.).  This feeling has caused me to distance myself from everyone.  If you have a relationship with my family, then I stay away from you.  The disadvantage is that most of my friends are somewhat connected to my family.  It is easier to hang out with acquaintances now, but sometimes they ask about my niece or my sister and I close up.  I do not know how to explain to people that I am ashamed of them at the moment.  I love them, but I want them far away from me.  I am also afraid that people will assume that I am a bad person because my family treats me badly.  Why would you treat someone dear to you badly unless they are bad people?  I miss my family, but for the moment we do not talk.  I am afraid that the disconnect that we are experiencing now will affect our friendship.  I wish I had a guide to navigate that situation.

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2 responses »

  1. I think you should talk to a couple of members of your family to finally see where they stand. It’s easy to assume everyone is against you and your relationship but there might be some people who are either neutral or don’t agree with your sister (on the flip side, there also might be a few people who do). I think it’s better to finally have an idea who’s for you and who isn’t. While the easier approach is to stay away from everyone (believe me, I know this because I did the same thing a few years back with my family under different circumstances), it’s also putting a strain on you emotionally. You don’t have to be cool with everyone, and maybe there are some people who don’t deserve you in their lives. But just be willing to at least talk to a couple. If they say they agree with your sister, then you know not to bother them anymore.

    • Thanks Blussianmommy for your comment! It is very hard for me to talk to my family because I see it as being a confrontation. As I am asking them to side with me or against me, and I am mostly afraid that they will go with my sister or be indifferent. I have attempted to talk to my mother and brother about it but they both avoid the topic. For now, I am trying to be happy with what I have… I will try later on to talk to more family members.

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