Today I feel very lonely. I have not had a real talk with a good friend in months. I chit-chat with coworkers and acquaintances, but it is not the same. I do not have the same feeling of being understood and having made a connection with someone with these mundane talks.
It all started with me. After breaking up with one of my best-friend, I decided to give my heart a break to give it time to heal. I choose to be social but to be emotionally unavailable. I thought the way to get a strong heart was to keep it away from passions that might burn it. Surely, as the months and years passed, people sensed that I was not willing to let them in my life. Those who wanted to be friends stayed friends, yet I guarded my heart away from them.
Now, I have come to regret this decision. People have drifted away, and I feel so lonely. It is hard and awkward to re-kindle old friendships. So much has happened since I took the break, and people no longer feel connected to me. It is too much work for them to befriend me on a deeper level.
However, I am decided. I want friends, I want a support group, I want laughter, I want good memories.
I need to open up to life and trust people again.