Yesterday, I was discussing women’s attire with my boyfriend, and he used the term “rape culture”; stating that some people think that the UCSB shooting this past May was justified…..
I was baffled that some people are justifying rape and shooting of women. If a woman dresses sexy it is her choice; now if the view of her body arouse a man, it is ok. But that does not mean she HAS to have sex with that man. I thought everyone was on the same page!!
How come in his century people still have barbaric thoughts and point of view??! How can they think that since a woman arouse you she needs to have sex with you?! That is out of control! I was expecting better from this generation.
On the other hand, how come we do not hear cases of women raping or shooting men because he was exciting them with the way the jeans grabs their butts?! I still have yet to hear about a woman getting pumped up at the strip club to follow an exotic dancer home and rape him. How come women can refrain themselves from raping another human being and not men?
I am going to stop hear because I am about to go on a rant.
Have a good night or better a nice day haha (it is 5 am in NY )
Oh La La!!! Who does not like hearing compliments??
For me dressing sexy had always been a problem. First of all, I was born in a country where a sexy woman is a voluptuous curvaceous woman like Beyonce. My body type, on the other hand, is more like Zoe Zaldana’s type of sexy. Second, I was often picked on because of my size and body shape. Classmates would always say how skinny I ,or how they were afraid I might break in two pieces, or how they were afraid I might get blown away in a hurricane (which is a season in the Caribbean). Occasionally, I would receive a compliment, quickly followed by a sneaky remark like “but you need to gain weight!”. It was not an environment suitable to build a strong self-esteem. I grew up always wishing that I would gain weight to be attractive. The only person who had always complimented me was my mom, never she had a negative comment about my body. Third, none of my close friends are sexy (according to the Caribbean type), and they all had vicous and negative comments about their body and mine as well. I tried to understand them and to be supportive by not dressing sexy. This way I thought, none of us would feel sexier than the other. I kept that habit for so long that it became a second nature.
However, I have decided that I need to break free from that habit. I do like my body. I finally made peace with it. I do not need to comply to a specific aesthetic to feel good about my look. I do not need to wait for the media to tell me that I look good enough. I need to have self-confidence. I need to stop being my enemy, stop being mean and unfair to myself. I need to embrace my own beauty. I need to stop covering it or wearing unflattering clothes to help my friends. They have problems with their body, that is their problem, they need to work on it. I will support them, but I will no longer hide my body.
That is cropped pic of me trying to look sexy. Notice the sweater for just in case I need to cover up (old habits die hard)
Recently, a few friends, now that they have matured, have admitted that they were jealous of my body (hence the negative comments growing up).
This past week was not a good one. On Thursday, I woke up thinking of my abusers. I tried to chase these thoughts away, but it was hard. After they left my mind, they were replaced by feelings of insecurity.
My thoughts are my demons. I always say people make their own prisons and I think it applies to me. My thoughts, my thoughts process all this is keeping me caged and is preventing me from growing to my fullest (to become the greatest person I can become). If only I had the keys to my mental prison
Last week, I discovered that song of the fugees. It is a group I always love since I was a kid, mostly because of their evident ties with the Caribbean and Haiti in particular. Growing up, I started appreciating their style and their lyrics. I hope you like that song too
Happy hump day!!
Still no comments on any of my blog post… Weirdly enough it does not discourage me. I will keep writing =) I just need to find topics now haha
At the beginning of this month I realized that I never follow through with my goals. For example, last winter I had started knitting baby blankets for my niece and godson. I was doing a simple patter, and planned to do it while watching my TV shows everyday. Yet I did not keep up, I am now half-way through and the blanket (I only got to one) is laying in a corner of my bedroom.
Last February, I decided to start painting again. I went to the craft store, I bought more supplies. I set up a space to paint, got started and stopped.
Same thing with the decoration of my apart. My landlord will not let us paint the walls or nails in the walls. So I had decided to restore and paint the furniture. My friend who is big on decorating her apart in Baltimore, introduced me to this website (www.apartmenttherapy.com) to have ideas. I went to the hardware store, bought paint and supplies. I was thinking of first doing my kitchen. I would paint the table blue and the chairs lemon yellow. So far I put one coat on the table and stopped.
I see a pattern there. I get excited about a project, get started then lose the motivation. I find excuses then to explain why I did not follow through; it is lack of time, distraction, sore body, not in the mood etc… All valid excuses, but if I want to accomplish anything in life I need to put in the work.
So I am going to suck it up and get my beach body. I have received a gift certificate to a local gym that offers classes like lifting and zumba. My goal is to go everyday for a month. I will mix classes with training or free circuit. I need to do it. I will keep you updated!!!